|
Fun part to relax  This is for my good
freind Tommy and his last game
New Drugs for Women D A M N I T O L
>Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to
8 full hours.
>
>ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
>Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering
preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
>
>E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
>Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by
reminding
>you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you
couldn't wait till they moved out.
>
>P E P T O B I M B O
>Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence,
and prevents conception.
>
>D U M B E R O L
>When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ,
resulting in! enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
>
>F L I P I T O R
>Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road
rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
>
>M E N I C I L L I N
>Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance
to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ..Can we get
naked now?.
>
>BUYAGRA
>Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases
potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
>
>J A C K A S S P I R I N
>Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your
birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
>
>A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
>A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone
too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
>
>
>N A G A M E N T
>When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the
same irritation level as nagging him
>
>Now, send these to any woman who needs a good laugh, and
any man who can handle it.
  
  
 
Most people know enough not to mix
certain medicines without consulting their physician.
Some medicines cannot be mixed with
certain foods either...
And certainly most of us know that we should not mix certain
medicines with alcohol, although some people think mixing beer and medicine is
harmless.
As a Public Service the AMA (American Medical Association) has
recently published a new warning which is being distributed via pamphlets in
pharmacies across the U.S. and Canada.
Look for it. See the Cover of this
pamphlet below:
 
Q: What's the difference between a gynecologist and a genealogist?
A: A
genealogist looks up the family tree, and a gynecologist looks up the
family
bush.
**********
Q: What do Disney World & VIAGRA have in common
?
A: They both make you wait an hour for a five minute
ride.
**********
Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and a
peeping Tom?
A: A pick pocket snatches watches.
**********
Q: Which
3rd grader has the best body, the blonde, brunette or a redhead?
A: The
blonde -- she's eighteen.
**********
Q: Why don't Baptists make love
standing up?
A: Because it might lead to dancing.
**********
Q: What is
the difference between women and computers?
A: A woman will not take a 3.50
inch floppy.
**********
Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife
and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake
jewelry.
**********
Q: Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
A: The
light at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey
  
  
The Seven Dwarfs of Menopause
Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and
Psycho
 
HOW LIFE EXPECTANCY CAN BE LOWERED BY LIFESTYLE
CHOICES:
|
|
|
|
 MINUS 900
DAYS
Being sedentary
|
|
| |
MINUS 1,500
DAYS
Being a smoker
|
|
| |
MINUS 3,000
DAYS
Being a sculptor whose
favorite medium is plastique
|
2004
edition of "You know you're a redneck when..."
1. You
take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
2. You can
entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
3 Your
boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4. You burn your yard
rather than mow it.
5. You think the "Nutcracker" is something you do
off the high dive.
6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't
want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9.
You come back from the dump with more than you took there.
10. You keep
a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11. Your wife can climb a tree
faster than your cat.
12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas
list.
13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14.
You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
15. You go
to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16. You know how many
bales of hay your car will hold.
17. You have a rag for a gas cap.
18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
20. You
can spit without opening your mouth.
21. You consider your license
plate personalized because your father made it.
22. Your lifetime goal
is to own a fireworks stand.
23. You have a complete set of salad bowls
which say "Cool Whip" on the side.
24. The biggest city you've ever
been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your
non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your home and does a $100,000.00 worth of
improvements.
28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
31. If
you think you've got something in your teeth, you take them out to see
what it
is.
| Breast Enlargement |
A woman says to her husband that she wants to have plastic surgery
to enlarge her breasts.
Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need
surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
She asks, "How
do I do it without surgery?"
Her husband answers, "Just rub toilet paper
between them."
"How does that make them bigger?", she asks.
"I
don't know, but it certainly worked for your ass." |
 |
